It wasn’t until 2014 that I realized that i am very anal about my time and about having plans. When things don’t go as planned, my brain is not able to process and comprehend. My brain will shut down, which causes a problem when its time to revise my plan or come up with a new one altogether.
Recently, my plan of becoming an event planner completely went to shit. I work for a Disney Resort at the moment for the front desk, and i realized that I don’t really like this industry. After spending 5 years in college, and 2 years in the industry, I find myself with no real direction or aspirations. Which my brain isn’t quite clicking with at the moment and im struggling with this epiphany. Im struggling to accept the fact that, i have no real plans for my life…that im working towards nothing…i can comprehend this sense of failure that im feeling.
How do i fix this when i cant control my mind long enough to revise my plan. Depression consumes my life everyday and it takes energy, will power, and strength to be positive and to see things as if the glass was half full. My brain is set to do completely do the opposite. Its so painful and chronic…i just want to shut my brain down but cant and i feel like the only way to make it stop is to end it completely….im lost.